I’ve been experiencing a bit of an identity crisis lately.
Well…not me, personally (although I have SO been there), but Spirit-Moves-Dance-business-and-blogger me.
If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll know that I originally had TWO Spirit Moves Dance websites: my blog over at wordpress.com, and a business site here specifically for my Halifax classes.
And then I decided to merge them. And thus the crisis began.
Because, to be completely honest, when I was looking at my two sites I didn’t feel like my business and my blog were 100% compatible. I mean, yes, I do blog about actual “grooving to music” dance—sometimes often. But sometimes (…ahem…lately…) I don’t blog about that particular kind of dance for weeks on end. And when I tried to think about putting my blog on a site with my dance-class-business info or tried to think of how it fit with my “dance facilitator” role…it didn’t feel like the same thing.
So I was stuck. For weeks.
What was I doing? How could I reconcile this? What the hell was going on? What exactly WAS my blog about, if not dance? Was it about anything at ALL? I talked poor Matthew’s ear off about this.
And then I had an epiphany:
It’s all dance, my darling.
It is. All of it. All the stuff I blog about: being present in my body, being grateful and mindful, finding myself again, honoring the journey, healing the past, moving through life, success and failure, parenting, finding inspiration … these things are all dances in their own way.
When I say the word “dance,” I’m not thinking about steps. Not even when I’m actually talking about dancing to music. You know this. But the thing that I realized—the thing that resolved my identity crisis—is that when I think about dance … I don’t even have to be thinking about movement at ALL. What I really think about is the feeling.
There’s a feeling I get when I’m truly IN my body and fully noticing the world around me. I can be feeling the sun on my skin or the wind in my hair, smelling rainwashed leaves or salt spray or woodsmoke on the wind, tasting a fresh strawberry, hearing Xander’s laugh, running my hands over the roughness of a tree trunk or the smoothness of my husband’s hand … whatever the sensations around me are, I am 100% there with them. I’m feeling my feelings and I’m appreciating my surroundings and my life in general. As the experiences change, I flow with them, adjusting my rhythm to theirs.
And that feeling, even when I’m not moving, is my exact idea of dancing.
It’s seeing through my own eyes and enjoying the input of my senses.
It’s occupying my own skin and discovering my place in the Universe.
It can be joyful or solemn or anything in between.
And it is, without question, dancing.
It doesn’t even have to involve physically tangible sensations, either…that’s why I’ve been writing about the dance of gratitude and the dance of self-care and (if you’ll recall 6 months ago) dancing with failure.
It’s dancing with what life gives you —jumping in and engaging, paying attention, and not being afraid to fall on your ass now and then. It’s about knowing the rhythms you love the most, knowing the steps that trip you up, sensing patterns and doing your best to flow through them. Being present, aware, and appreciative.
It’s all a dance.
Some dances we do alone. Some dances we do with a partner. Some dances, like the dance of friends and the dance of family, we do in groups—sometimes large ones!
When you think about it…our entire lives are made up of dances.
This is the stuff I write about, have always written about. This is the stuff that I work on every single day. It’s all about dancing through life —not in a frivolous, shallow, like-that-song-from-Wicked sense (exactly the contrary, actually), but in a way that brings meaningful experiences, deeper understanding, and an increasing sense of self.
That’s what Spirit Moves Dance is about. And now I’m beginning to see that I never had an identity crisis at all…I just didn’t see the pattern that was already there. I needed to dance with it for a bit, really BE with it, and get a sense of it from new perspectives before I could figure out what was really going on.