Reverb is an every-day-in-December journalling/blogging practice. Each day features a prompt that either helps you integrate the past year or envision what you want to create in the next one (sometimes both). If you want to follow along with me, I’m posting a prompt on my Facebook page every morning.
Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Patrick Reynolds)
I’ve been reading a lot about Health at Every Size lately. It’s a movement that values health and habits over body size, and that focuses on body-love and body-care instead of weight-loss. At first it just sounded really cool, and then I started seeing how I could apply it to my own life. And then…and then I GOT it.
I read this post one afternoon…and I was filled with sudden, intense joy. I put my hands on my hips and I felt every inch of my body…not with loathing, but with love. With reverence.
Suddenly, I had to dance.
I put on my special best-dancing-music playlist, and I danced. And I swear, this was the first time in YEARS that I moved my body with no negative feelings at all. No self-fat-talk, no “Oh, I’m so out of shape.” No looking at the clock because you need to exercise for X number of minutes in order for it to “count” or “be worthwhile.”
I danced, I felt my muscles move, I felt myself get out of breath, and I loved it because I knew that this dance was an act of love for myself and my body, and it was the first step into a completely new world. The room seemed to be glowing, like the love and joy inside of me was spilling out and filling the space. The floor hugged my feet, welcoming me home.
Xander must have sensed something different in the air, because he was filled with glee and danced with me for far longer than usual. We bounced and ran and jumped and sang and laughed. We danced until it got dark and the light from our windows spilled out into the night. I knew that people in the building next door could see us, and I grinned. I imagined someone looking out and seeing us and being inspired to put on their own music and have their own dance party.
That one hour changed me. Since then, I’ve felt like a whole person, not a series of body parts. I can’t separate any one part from the whole in my mind. I don’t have “good” parts or “bad” parts…I’m just…me. All of me. All together. Embodied.
It feels like a miracle.