Back in the saddle…

The past month was rough. Not “bad things are happening to me/the people I love” rough (thank goodness), but “I am intensely miserable and can’t seem to figure out how to fix it” rough. I was stressed out of my mind, completely un-grounded, separated from my body, barely breathing at all, and generally in a place of physical distress. And I couldn’t figure out how to snap out of it.

I tried all kinds of things, from Reiki to grounding to meditation to crystal work to daily walks, and nothing worked. I was at my wits’ end. I was out of ideas.

And then my husband pointed out that actually, I hadn’t tried everything. I was trying everything except the one thing that always always works for me.

I hadn’t tried dancing.

Somehow, I had lost sight of the fact that dancing always always reconnects me with…well…me. And I was trying all of these other things that work (for me) for mild mind-body separation, but not for major issues like I was experiencing. Matthew maintains that I hadn’t forgotten, I was just resisting (and that would certainly be true to form). And it’s true that the very thought of trying to dance again was terrifying. I felt physically incapable of doing it at all. But I shut myself in a room with some music and slowly, slowly, things started working themselves out.

I’m still struggling with resistance. I still don’t feel quite myself, but like a smaller, quieter, greyer version of me. So I am recommitting to dancing every day starting now. I’ve noticed that even a couple of minutes makes me feel more like myself.

100 Days of Dance take 5.

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