April Love: Day 29 and 30

Day 29: My eyes

Taken this morning. I have my dad’s greenish-brown eyes. I’ve always loved them!

eyes

 

 

Day 30: Thank you for…

I’m grateful for so many many things: my health, my wonderful family, financial stability, this beautiful photo challenge…

But one thing I never thought I would be thankful for is a c-section. It was pretty much my “worst case scenario,” the thing that haunted my nightmares (attention: I am writing about ME. If you wanted a c-section, that’s awesome. I, however, emphatically did not). And I don’t just mean “thank you for my very-much-alive self and baby”…although, of course, that is yet another reason I’m grateful. I’m grateful for what the section represented, and what has come of it in addition to my baby.

Every New Years Day I do an oracle card reading for the year. My card for January was “Rock Bottom.” The description said something like “this is going to suck big hairy moose balls, but if you surrender to it, a miracle will happen that would be otherwise impossible”

“…yay?” I thought.

I thought about that card when my blood pressure skyrocketed and I was told to go to the specialist who does cervical exams so rough that they actively hurt (we’d had an encounter in my last pregnancy, so I was SUPER HAPPY when I was told to go to her…oh wait…no).

I thought about that card when I was admitted to the hospital for early induction. I thought about that card when the contractions kept going and going and had no end point, and they worried about my baby’s heart rate. I CURSED that card when they prepped me for the section, when I was shaking on the operating table, when they were stitching me up and I felt like I was going to go to sleep and never wake up. “FUCKING ‘ROCK BOTTOM’!!” I ranted to Matthew. “FUCKING ‘ROCK BOTTOM’!!” I sobbed in the days following when I could barely walk to the bathroom and I felt like I would never feel normal again.

Well…

I’m approaching 4 months postpartum, and that section was one of the best things that could have happened to me. It gave me a goal (rehabilitation) that concentrated my efforts like nothing else. It taught me to listen to my body like nothing else could have. It forced this former ballerina to FINALLY take my body’s lead. It cut through all the bullshit and false expectations that have derailed me in the past. As the weeks passed, I could feel my progress (I still can). While I do have some weird structural weaknesses that I’m still working on, I think I’m actually stronger now than I was before I got pregnant. I have daily movement practices, and I’m at the point where I KNOW how much better I feel when I do them.

So thank you, “Rock Bottom.” Thank you, c-section. You did, indeed, bring me a miracle when I surrendered and accepted you. Thank you for all you’ve brought me. (You’re still a jerk, but in a “for your own good” kind of way)

rock bottom
(photo taken from http://archangeloracle.com/ via Google image search)

 

April Love: Day 25 and 26

Day 25: Simple Pleasure

simple pleasure

 

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I’m in the middle of an Epic Spring Clean. Seeing my kitchen like this is definitely a simple pleasure. I feel happy every time I walk in. Even the cats felt the change in the energy!

Day 26: A is for…

A is for Artwork.

family art
My husband, son, and I made this painting. Son did the figures, husband did the background, and I did the outlines and tidied up the edges. When the baby’s old enough, all 4 of us will make one!

April Love: Day 23 and 24

Day 23: When I Was Small

small meg
When I was small, I loved to dance! Some things haven’t changed!

Day 24: Trees

Oh, how I love trees. When the leaves come out, I try to appreciate them as much as I can because I know that I’ll miss the leaves when they’re gone. We don’t usually get leaves until June or so…this year it may be even later, since we still have snow on the ground. Oh green, I miss you so so much!!

tree

April Love: Day 21 and 22

Day 21: A Happy Memory

August 10, 2008: I was 10 days past my due date with my first baby when we got the call from the hospital to come in for an induction. Matthew had stayed up all night to drive his brother to the airport so he could fly home (side note: never make plans to visit a first baby before said baby actually arrives…you may end up going home disappointed). The induction went super-well, and once it started, labour went fast. Matthew was completely exhausted but trying his best to support me.

…And then, as soon as the top of Xander’s head appeared and Matthew saw it, it was like he got the biggest surge of energy! He was completely transformed! He was just overwhelmed by the amazingness of the fact that his son was almost born.

I don’t have a photo of that moment, just the memory…but I do have a photo of the moment a few minutes later when I got to hold Xander for the first time.


new mom

 

Day 22: Spring/Autumn

Spring and Autumn are my favourite seasons. The weather is mild and changeable…not too hot or too cold. There’s always something new to look at. I find myself wanting to do big things, clean things completely, take stock of where I am and where I’m going. And everything smells so amazing. Spring smells of melting snow and thawing earth and growing things. Fall smells of woodsmoke and damp leaves. I try to savour both seasons.

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Spring and Fall

April Love: Day 19 and 20

Day 19: I live here

Bless this mess.

This is the space where I spend most of my days: The table covered in art supplies, grammar books, tea, and kid-stuff. Laundry. A bolster for stretching. A tiny space to dance (where I stood to take the photo). Baby seat. Diapers and mess.

I’m trying to see beauty in the chaos while simultaneously working to get things neater.

Day 20: My scent

Dairy bar

I’m a 24-hour dairy bar, and I have overactive letdown. I smell like milk. Always. On a good day, I smell like milk, shampoo, and Dove deodorant. On a normal day, I smell like milk, sweat, and spit-up. I’m trying to at least put on deodorant more often.

(Side note: I took this photo in January, when Charlotte was about 2 weeks old. I’m already looking at this and thinking “HOLY CRAP, SHE WAS SO TINY!!” They really do grow so fast, don’t they?)

April Love: Day 17 and 18

Day 17: A life-changing book

Isadora

One life-changing book for me was The Art of the Dance, which is a collection of writings by the great Isadora Duncan. This book came to me at a time when everything I thought I knew about dance (from 20 years of technical training) had been turned upside down. I was moving away from my ballet roots, discovering ecstatic dance, and voraciously reading everything I could find about it. Isdora Duncan was not actually anti-technique or anti-training (far from it!), but she was VERY anti-ballet, and she had a beautiful vision of what dance could (and should) be. It was such a breath of fresh air to see my own sentiments echoed by this legend of dance.

One of my favourite quotes: “The dancer of the future will be one whose body and soul have grown so harmoniously together that the natural language of that soul will have become the movement of the body. […] She will dance not in the form of nymph, nor fairy, nor coquette, but in the form of woman in her greatest and purest expression. She will realize the mission of woman’s body and the holiness of all its parts. She will dance the changing life of nature, showing how each part is transformed into the other. From all parts of her body shall shine radiant intelligence, bringing to the world the message of the thoughts and aspirations of thousands of women. She shall dance the freedom of woman.”

Day 18: Sweet

Tummy!

Today it was unbelievably sweet to see my baby girl roll over onto her tummy all by herself. She’s been playing with rolling for a week or so, but never getting past that bottom arm. Today she lifted up her head and got the momentum she needed to roll up and over that arm, and BOOM! Her brother and I were cheering her on the whole time! This little one is so grounded and determined! She’s a marvel to see. You can watch her figure things out day by day!