A call from the Universe

I want to start out by saying that yes, this actually happened.

On Tuesday night I was about to get ready for bed, when my cell phone rang with an unknown number. This is a pretty unusual thing. Even more unusual: although it was bedtime and I was tired, I answered it.

It was a man with an accent who asked me if I was an energy healer. Non-plussed, I said no (there’s another blog post in here about not owning our titles and abilities), but that I helped people reconnect with their bodies through dance. The man was VERY excited and spoke very fast. He told me that he had received my phone number twice during meditation, and that whenever that happens he knows he needs to call it. He said that my energy had been blocked for a number of years, and that I had been struggling (so very very true), and he said that he was going to send me healing energy.

My alarm bells went off. “Oh no,” I thought, “this is some kind of scam.” But I played along. I agreed to light a candle and wait for him to call me back, which he did. I put him on speaker phone because I was thoroughly freaked out and I wanted Matthew to witness what was going on (he’s a very intuitive person, and I trust his instincts at times when I can’t get a hold on my own).

The man called back, and he and Matthew had a long conversation while I listened. Although he spoke to Matthew for most of the call, we both agree that the words were for me. Matthew found out that he was calling from Tibet and that he runs a healing centre in California. I waited for a sales pitch, but it didn’t come. He told me that I could be a healer, write books, open a healing centre—anything I wanted if I could move through my fear. People needed our gifts, were waiting for us to find them. He told us that the next 2 years would be amazing. He sent us blessings.

And he didn’t ask for anything.

After he got off the phone, the candle I had lit burned twice as high as it had before, and I knew that somewhere in the world a stranger was sending me blessings and light.

Strangers call, and I automatically assume it’s a sales pitch or a scam. I was on the alert for it. But this person asked for nothing except an open mind. I didn’t exactly give it to him right then, but it’s been opening ever since.

I’ve read the books and heard the interviews with people who say that the Universe is filled with magic, that we are all connected, and that help comes when we ask for it. I believed them long ago, but the past few years have been filled with inner struggles and blockages, and I lost my faith. But I’ve been crying for help for a long time now, consciously and unconsciously…and then I got a literal phone call to tell me that everything will be OK if I believe and trust and take action.

I asked for help, and the Universe answered. And I am so very, very grateful.

Dear Universe, Message Received

I believe that the Universe sends us messages. Sometimes we miss them altogether. Sometimes we see but don’t understand. And sometimes it feels like the Universe is an aggravated friend watching us hesitate over a big decision and then finally going “OHMYGOD. GO. JUST EFFING DO IT. JUST…GO!!! GAH!!!” over and over again.

Message. Overload.

That’s the way it’s felt for me lately. I’ve been hesitating on 3 or 4 things, telling myself I can’t, finding reasons why I don’t have the time, watching So You Think You Can Dance instead. But the messages keep sneaking in:

Songs play on the radio with lines like “time is wasting, life’s not waiting”
People I respect write posts about death and fear
People I love pass away. People I don’t know at all pass away
People I know make their dreams real

Today at lunch, Matthew called me up in total disbelief. “WHAT IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL US?!” he practically shouted. He had just heard “If Today Was Your Last Day” on the radio and then BEEN DIVE-BOMBED BY A BUTTERFLY. Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up.

“What am I supposed to DO?” he asked me.
“You already know,” I said, “You really do. You just need to do it.”

And so do I.

OK, Universe. Your message has been received. I am officially accepting your invitation. I’ll see you on the dance floor.

Let’s dance, and see what magic happens.

Making Space for Magic

For months I’ve been doing my blogging and planning on the dining room table.

I don’t know how this started. I mean, last year we said that my office was going to be in the guest room. During the World-Changing Writing Workshop, I participated in a whole teleclass about creating office space to support me in my creative work. I tried. It’s just…I don’t know…it didn’t really “take.” It was a guest room with a wobbly desk in it, not a space for magic.

And after a few months, the guest room became the Place Where Things Go to Die. Then it really REALLY wasn’t conducive to working…or doing anything, really, other than Dumping Stuff and Running Away. The cats liked it. That’s about it.

Last weekend Matthew and I decided that Enough was Enough. It was time to make some space. We started by clearing out the guest room.

(I purposely didn’t take “before” photos of the Hell Hole, but here—including that shopping cart and its contents—is about 3/4 of the stuff we cleared out of the room, not including furniture. Or the contents of the closet. Yeah…)

 

We rearranged everything, and spent about an hour scraping cat hair off the rug where under-the-bed used to be. And then it was time to settle back in.

At this point, Xander decided to come and help us put things away. This was his contribution…

 

I worked until bedtime on Saturday, sorting papers, organizing things, and putting pictures back up. I even reorganized most of the closet, but I didn’t photograph it because it still looks messy.

And here is the result:

Bookshelf. Business-y stuff on the right, crafty and household stuff on the left.

 

Actual space for pretty things! Matthew bought me that rabbit sculpture on the day we had Xander <3

 

Prayer flags from Goddess Leonie, standing work station, which I use about half the time, and you can *just* see part of my Right-Brain business plan by the blue curtain on the right.
Xander’s standing workstation…he’s “playing Minecraft” on the alarm clock.

 

I LOVE how it looks. It feels so much better.

But here’s the Magical Secret: this was about SO MUCH MORE than spring cleaning the guest room.

To be honest, the mess in the guest room kind of felt like a metaphor for my approach to my blog-and-business-y stuff. I had plans and projects to do, but they kept getting crowded out of the way by random crap. Papers. Lego. Facebook. Massive life changes. Hairballs…no, wait, that was the guest room, not the blog. As far as I know… 

The point is that my dreams were drowning in random pieces of crap that needed to be cleared out and put away. I needed time and space for action.

Last night I tried the office out for the first time, and this afternoon Matthew gave me a block of time to work as well. So far in this office, I have edited an e-book (not mine), recorded a movement meditation (that one’s mine, and more on that soon), created the beginnings of a new website, and danced for half an hour.

…Most of which I’d been planning to do for the past month or more. Clearing the guest room and making physical space for my work is allowing me to clear out my back-logged to-do list and make energetic space for more creativity and bigger projects.

YES.

This is my magic room, my business sanctuary, the place where Creations Will Be Made Real. I’ve only been in here for a couple of days, but I pretty much never want to leave.

SO HAPPY in my office space…and the cats seem happier too!

 

We’re going to have to find somewhere else to keep the shopping cart…

How to be Astonished…before lunchtime

Before lunchtime yesterday.

I:

  • Woke up on a comfortable bed and enjoyed a prolonged snuggle with my son.
  • Took a moment to enjoy the beauty of the world washed grey by the fog outside
  • Used indoor plumbing three times, and washed my hands with vanilla scented soap
  • Cuddled with Xander on a comfortable and well-loved sofa and discussed breakfast options (we have options!)
  • Took a long drink of fresh, clean water (took several, actually)
  • Petted a ridiculously affectionate fluffy cat (with a toddler, who was actually gentle)
  • Played a game of Monkey See Monkey Do with Xander (he is SO good at reminding me how to play…when I take the time to pay attention)

  • Opened a fridge and cupboards full of food and picked the foods I wanted to eat for breakfast from a wide range of options (we had cinnamon toast and blueberries, and they were delicious)
  • Had a family snuggle with Matthew and Xander
  • Made coffee for Matthew and savoured the smell (I can’t drink it because it makes me CRAZY, but oh, how I love the smell!)
  • Enjoyed my own GIANT mug of Red Rose tea with milk (my favourite drink, which does NOT make me crazy)
  • Kissed Matthew goodbye and chuckled as Xander performed his daily “saying goodbye to daddy” story in the hallway (complete with nonsense language and choreography of some kind as he acts out the story)
  • Folded and put away a rainbow spectrum of clean clothes that I love

  • Put my son in his stroller and went outside on a gloriously sunny and warm day
  • Was stopped by my neighbour, who presented Xander with a bag full of candy
  • Put up some of the AMAZING posters that my husband designed for my Dancing Mamas Tribe
  • Arrived at the library to find that there was a live presentation of gymnastics by a team from Denmark about to start. Watched incredible (and adorable) junior athletes tumble and dance in the sun, and got a little teary.

  • Turned homeward under clear blue skies and felt a breeze start to cool the sweat from my back as I pushed the stroller
  • Stopped at Starbucks to put up a poster, and enjoyed a free sample chocolate coconut frappuccino and a piece of cookie along with the incredible orange juice that I bought to share with Xander.
  • Enjoyed a moment on a sofa in the sweet, sweet air conditioning before heading back home.

And that was just before lunchtime!

I want to live every day like this.

I felt so grateful and blessed for everything in my life. I experienced so much more magic than I usually do (the gymnasts? the candy? I mean, come on!). And I felt more centred in my body than I have in a long while. More connected to my loved ones. Just…better.
I can’t recommend this highly enough.

A Real-Life Love Story (For Matthew)

I’m not the kind of person who scoffs at romantic movies and love songs. This is why:

I fell in love with Matthew at 10:57pm on Friday, September 10, 2004.

Seriously.

I know, because I wrote about it while it happened. And this is what I said:

Something is happening to me. Something I can’t even begin to describe…so I’ll try. I feel like the centre of my chest has opened, and energy is pouring out of it. I don’t understand it…is this because of the Reiki last night?

Suddenly everything is clear and calm…only not calm at all. There’s an emotion in me that I’ve been fighting, and it’s so strong that I feel it as a physical pain. Only not a pain. I don’t understand. I feel open. Open and connected to one person.

Everything else has melted away. I never want to go to sleep…I don’t want to lose this. Is this all in my head? It doesn’t feel like it. Will I feel this way tomorrow?

Suddenly I feel certain. All the doubts and fears that I had have faded into the background, existing only as white noise. The opinions of other people mean nothing. Oh, please don’t let this be my imagination. Where did this come from?

How could I have ever worried?

I lay on the floor and stretched my arms wide and felt the force flow out of me…and into me. Like a dam breaking. How long has this been storing up? It feels like forever.

How could I ever have worried about losing myself? I am still myself. For once I’m not lost. In fact, I feel like I’m coming home to myself.

I fell in love with Matthew at 10:57pm. I didn’t say it that night, but I knew.

The Back Story:

I met Matthew in 2001, when I started dating his friend Bud. Matthew was in a long-term relationship, and we were all couple-friends. True story.

I always got along really well with Matthew. We both knew the words to Pirates of Penzance (which you must admit is odd in this day and age). I thought he was hilarious. He (apparently) thought I was pretty and cool. But it’s not like I ever thought about him, you know, that way.

Not when we were couple friends, not when we each got engaged to our significant other, and not when, in June of 2004, we found ourselves unexpectedly single (OK, a little more expected for me, because I did the breaking up with my fiance).

No. Matthew was just a friend. A friend who I felt a lot of sympathy for. A friend I was suddenly spending a lot of solo time with commiserating over how much it sucks to be dumped (I had experience). A friend who I knew had a thing for me, but somehow it didn’t make me at all uncomfortable around him…

…a friend who, a few months later, I found myself talking about rather a lot. And hanging out with almost every day. And unexpectedly kissing on Labour Day weekend…

Matthew was amazing. During the 24 hours after we kissed, he showed me what it would be like to be with him, and I couldn’t believe it was possible. We kissed and talked and cuddled, and slow-danced in the kitchen to a song by Something Corporate. It was perfect.

He was so gentle and kind and patient with me. In the week after Labour Day, I went into full freak-out mode because It Was Too Soon To Date Again and What If It Ruined Our Friendship and What Would People Think? and I told him I wanted to be Just Friends. He didn’t push me. He didn’t try to kiss me the night we hung out “as friends.” He respected my boundaries.

Respect is HOT.

The one thing he did do was give me Reiki for the first time. On the night of September 9, 2004.

…exactly 24 hours before I wrote the passage above.

Just sayin…

At 10:57pm on Friday, September 10, 2004, all of the barriers I’d built up fell away, taking my fears with them. And I Knew. That this was too important to put off because of random What If worries. That this was too big not to jump in right away. That I could stop agonizing over what to do, because there wasn’t even a choice involved. That this was It.

So I jumped. I called him, and he was there within an hour, wrapping his arms around me and listening as I told him what had happened.

On the fourth day I said “I love you,” and meant it so much I cried. He had been saying it all along.

Exactly a year later we got married. And our first dance was (in abbreviated form) the same song we danced to in the kitchen at the beginning of our love story. Inappropriate lyrics be damned, it needed to happen.

So no, I don’t scoff at love stories. Because I lived one. I’m still living it.