People are posting their “year in review” prompts on Facebook (which is where I hang out), and it’s got me thinking about 2013 and how it went.
Honestly? 2013 felt like a non-year to me. A limbo year. A year of mostly-stuck.
2013 was the year I made 59,000,000 potentially life-changing resolutions and didn’t stick with any of them.
2013 was the year I shoulded on myself so hard I made myself feel like less than nothing. A big, fat, non-doing failure.
2013 was the year I worked myself ragged looking after everyone but me. The year I decided it was too much trouble to ask for what I needed.
2013 was the year I did my best to make myself a non-person, to not-express most of the things I felt and thought, to NEVER (or rarely) ask for help).
2013 was the year I realized all of this…and realized that it Had. To. Stop.
2013 was the year I realized that my Word for the Year (Tend) didn’t mean what I thought it did. It didn’t mean taking immaculate care of the house or feeding my family only organic food or learning to be on top of everything. It took me 11 months of this year to learn that the essence of Tend was “look after your damn self, Meg, and if you do that, magic will happen.”
It took all year for that to really and truly sink in, and for me to learn what I actually NEED.
I need dance. I knew that. But I’ve found out that I also need stillness. Give me 10 minutes to meditate and 10-30 minutes to dance every day, and the frazzled, miserable mess of stressed-out Mommy martyrdom disappears. Add regular yoga, and WATCH OUT, WORLD.
When I take care of myself, my light can shine.
Looking back over my blog, I see that my light HAS been shining. I didn’t realize it, I didn’t feel it, but it has. So imagine how life will be if I take care of myself.
2013 was the year I looked everywhere outside of myself for the answer, when the answer was to go inward. It was a precious lesson, and I will always be grateful to 2013 for teaching it.
Thank you, 2013. I love the gifts you brought. I love the lessons you’re leaving me with. Thank you thank you thank you.